i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
