In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
