i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
