White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
