There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
