Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
