Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't deserve a penis
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
