My room smells like vodka and shame
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
