Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
