She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
