Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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