Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
