Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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