I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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