it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
