have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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