evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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