I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
