ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
