some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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