I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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