Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
