Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
