So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
