She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
