Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
