i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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