Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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