hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
