dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
