did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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