Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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