sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
