He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
