the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
