I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
