i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
