I want to have your abortion
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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