but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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