I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
