you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
