Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
