the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
