I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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