Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
