I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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