I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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