FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
