some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
