he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
