He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
