I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
