bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
