i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
