God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
