there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
