This is not my ceiling
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
