well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
