We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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