Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
