Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
