just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
