I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
