Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sext me about skeletons
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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