i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
