I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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