Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
