i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
