forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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