haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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