When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
