I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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