theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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