Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
