cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
