OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
