no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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