I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
