In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
